DIDN'T DA DAWG WIN?
An Editorial Comment On
The Show Ring
|BY: Tom Langlitz|
Do you swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth?
Witness: Sure..why not
Prosecution: Did you attend the Triangle this past weekend?
Witness: I was dare.. see'd da whole dam ting..
Prosecution: Would you say the judging at the Friday show was honest?
Defense: Objection Your Honor.. this witness is a Novice and can't make that
Defense: Did you have a dog entered in this show?
Witness: Yeah.. sure did
Defense: Do you feel that your dog was fairly judged and placed?
Witness: No way.. He went fourth!
Defense: And in your opinion, where should your dog have placed?
Prosecution: Objection Your Honor, we have already established the noviceness
of this witness.
Defense: Your Honor, this witness was an exhibitor at the show.. his opinion
of the judging certainly is relative.
Judge: The jury should keep in mind that this is not an expert witness, and
that his opinion is not to be used to pass judgement on the integrity of the
dog show judge but can be taken as a part of public opinion in this case.
Witness: Well, when I entered my pup.. he looked real good.. den he growed a
bunch and his head dint. Not only dat, but he done lost a bunch of his angles
and underdrive and dat left him movin high in dee ass.... aldough he kep his
iron back an real good suspension, it still looked real bad cause he aint
openen in da shoulder good enuff. He shoulda been fifth. Course da next day
he went dead last... and he shoulda beat one a dem dogs. Heck.. dare was dogs
peein on dare handler's foot at da triangle. He aint no pet or nuttin.. and da
competition weren't so good but he aint lookin good fer dat show.
Defense: No further questions.. defense rests
Prosecution: Mr. Witness... are you a judge?
Witness: Well, not yet.. but my second cousin Bill told my 18 year old
daughter he was gonna give me one a dem supreme court appointments
Prosecution: hmm let me clarify .. are you a licensed dog show judge?
Prosecution: Have you ever slept with the judge?
Witness: you mean dis one? (pointing to the trial judge)
Prosecution: I mean the judge that placed your dog higher than she should
Witness: umm, In my cousin Bill's biblical sense?
Prosecution: Mr. Witness... have you ever made love to the dog show judge?
Witness: umm nope
Prosecution: Can you think of any reason why she placed your dog higher than
he should have placed?
Witness: hmmm nope.. unless she was lookin at my butt... they all say I have
a cute butt.
Prosecution: No further questions.
PS If you're looking for a point to this, you're wasting your time.